Thursday, May 19, 2016

Baby Hungry

It's not what you think. This warm weather has me reminiscing about last summer, when I was anxiously (as in, literally having major anxiety) and excitedly preparing for the birth of Lydia. But I look back on that time--on both of my pregnancies, actually--as one of the happiest times of my life. There's just nothing like the anticipation of expecting a new baby! And now that she's almost a year old, I can't help waxing nostalgic, and so being the sap that I am, I had to go back and read the blog post I wrote a year ago about all of the emotions and excitement I felt while I was carrying her.

On the other hand, as stressed and overwhelmed as I've been trying to take care of two kids only a year-and-a-half apart--which, as you probably guessed from my last blog post, has been a challenge for me--having another baby should be the last thing on my mind. The truth is, while I hope and dream of another "miracle baby" (ICYMI: I have high-risk pregnancies, a history of recurrent miscarriage, along with other fertility issues, including a blood-clotting deficiency and endometriosis), I don't feel ready to be pregnant again anytime soon. And even though my baby isn't a tiny newborn anymore, I'm loving the sweet and spunky girl she's becoming, too.

So to satisfy my "baby hunger," I'm taking a little break from my almost-29-year-old-hot-mess self to live vicariously through my 27-year-old-pregnant-and-glowing self, via this blog post from last April (until the memory of my 9-months-pregnant-can't-move self brings me back to reality). Enjoy!

"Wow. Today I’m 29 weeks pregnant--in my final trimester--with less than three months to go until our baby girl arrives in July. I’m absolutely thrilled, but still somewhat in disbelief. With Caleb, we’d waited so long to become parents, it was almost as if we’d been “expecting” him for years.

But this was a complete surprise. I never could’ve imagined or expected such a miracle. It’s almost too good to be true--I even feel guilty, because I know so many people still waiting for their miracle. Isn’t it their turn?

I don’t know why this second miracle pregnancy happened so quickly, but this little girl must be meant for our family right now, and so many things have fallen into place--my health, great doctors, our financial situation (thanks also to Ben graduating and years of working and saving)--to make it possible. It’s all through the hand of God, and we’re in absolute awe.

I know well enough that not all pregnancies end with healthy babies. I’ve lost three. But just like I did with Caleb, I’ve tried not to fear what I can’t control and instead trust in God’s plan. Every day and week and month that this baby continues to grow inside of me is a miracle and a gift.

Now that I’m in my last trimester, it’s all becoming real, even if it still feels too good to be true, and it’s time to get ready for this little girl. It’s as terrifying as it is exciting..."

CLICK HERE to keep reading the original blog post + see more pictures!


  1. Motherhood is definitely full of mixed emotions. We are expecting #4, and we are very excited. But for the first month or so that I knew, I was more terrified and anxious than excited. We will have 4 kids with the oldest almost 6. It will be crazy! My husband is almost done with veterinary school, and we should be settled in his new job by then, but there is still a huge list of unknowns. I like being in control, but I am slowly learning to turn that control over to the Lord, and have faith instead of fear. It will all work out. It will be beautifully crazy. My first two children were 19 months apart. It was crazy adjusting to 2, but now, at 3 and 5, they are best friends. I love it.

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