Thursday, July 19, 2012

The Definition of Insanity

And now, back to our regularly scheduled silliness...


I've never seen a positive pregnancy test...you know, those two pink lines that women always dream about (note, Baby #1 was confirmed with a blood test, and Baby #2 with an in-office test). I'd like to know what it feels like to watch that second line appear...to grab that test and reach for Ben to show him that we're going to be a family - that we beat the odds - instead of chucking it in the garbage and reaching for the chocolate.

It plays like a movie reel in my mind - test after test hitting the rim of the garbage can, making a depressing "thunk." And I'm strapped to a porcelain throne, forced to watch the same agonizing replay over and over. And one day I'm probably going to go absolutely, completely, out-of-mind insane. But today I'm going to laugh about it, because, well, I'm already going a little crazy (insert maniacal laugh and eye twitch here), and I'm tired of getting depressed over a stupid little plastic stick and one tiny pink line.

Also, because I've been reading up on Einstein, who was one pretty interesting guy, and I think he was spot-on. So now, thanks to Einstein, we all know the reason I might be going clinically insane. Diagnosis: infertility.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Silly Surgery Stories

Source: Pinterest

First of all, bragging rights...My company made it to the next round to compete for a national grant! Sincere thanks to everyone who responded to my request for votes.

Also, I've been meaning to share these silly stories from my surgery in May. I've written several blog posts over the past couple of months that I've yet to share, and which I hope to "release from the vault" soon, but here's one of them:

***

People do ridiculous things when they're drugged (which is one reason it's stupid to do drugs...just say no, people!). Fortunately, being drugged under medical supervision means the craziness can only go so far - not far enough to hurt yourself, but enough to make a fool of yourself...Case in point: my recent surgery.

What are your silly surgery stories? I'm sure some of you have much better ones than these.

***


As the nurses were wheeling me into the operating room, everything started to get a little...um...I guess "warped" is the best way to describe it. It was like watching a movie through a convex lens. I looked around and saw at least a dozen people decked in scrubs, hurrying around the room to get everything ready for the operation. They seemed to be occupied with something very, very important and urgent. It occurred to me that I was interrupting something...that I must be in the wrong room. I asked one of my nurses, "Is all this for
ME?" She said, "Yes, sweetie, this is all for you." In my drugged-induced state of irrationality, I was shocked and touched. The emotion mixed with the drugs must've been too much for me, because at that moment I conked out. 

***


After I'd regained semi-consciousness, everything was still pretty confusing, and all I could really remember was all those people in the operating room. I kept asking Ben every few minutes, "Did I do a good job?" I wanted to make sure I didn't let those people down, I guess. I also kept asking Ben to kiss me... ;)

***
 

When I was a little more coherent, I realized I was very nauseated. I asked the nurse for something to throw up in, and then she added some anti-nausea drugs to my IV. However, the side effect was that I became EXTREMELY drousy...I started to do that nod-head-jerk thing that happens when you're fighting to stay awake, and so my face kept falling into the bucket I was holding to throw up in. Then I started to throw up, but I wasn't throwing anything up...I was just belching huge amounts of air!

The nurse told me it must be from all the air they pumped into my abdomen during the laproscopy. "You looked like you were 10 months pregnant!" she said. Hm. Ironic. Anyway, picture me, pale as death and holding on to a bucket for dear life, my eyes rolling uncontrollably into the back of my skull, my head jerking up and down while releasing a series of loud, disgusting belches, over and over. Absolutely ridiculous. Ben said it was "cute." He rubbed my back during the whole ordeal, and now I know first-hand why that method's so effective for babies with stomach bubbles.

***


Somewhere in the middle of all this, I asked Ben to tell me how the surgery went, and so he explained what our doctor had told him about removing several polyps and spots of endometriosis. I was conscious, but for some reason it just didn't make any sense to me, and so I kept having to ask him to re-explain it. Seriously, it was a good week before my brain could hold onto the details and actually comprehend them. Meanwhile, Ben was very, very patient with me.

***


By the end of the week, we joked about how Ben was going to make such a great dad because he'd burped me, fed me, "changed" me (I hate that hospital underwear...women who've been through childbirth, I think you know what I mean), and rocked me to sleep. What a great dad--er--husband!

***


A couple of weeks later I saw an actual photograph that the doctor had taken of all the polyps he'd found in my uterus. They really did look those seaweed creatures from The Little Mermaid (as Ben originally thought).


***


Oh, and if I told you what the final hospital bill was, you'd think it was a hilarious joke, too. (Ben: "Honey, look, here's the bill!"...
opens the bill..."$13,000!...Hahaha!" Me: "Hahaha, no, really what is it?"...I grab the bill...Wait, what, it's really $13,000? What the...?"...Well, thank goodness we already met our deductible due to Baby #2 in February.)

***


I know it's been a while, but I still need to thank all of the people who helped take care of me. My doctor and his nurse Mala were extremely helpful with preparing and explaining everything to me before, during, and after surgery - an experience that, sadly, is rare in our healthcare system. The nurses at Madison Memorial Hospital were amazingly compassionate and attentive. Believe it or not, they made staying in the hospital the best part of the whole ordeal (hence the enormous bill...?). 

Also, my mother-and-father-in-law made two trips - 20 miles each way - to pick me up after surgery (the first time they came I think I was still doing the drowsy head-bobbing thing), and then fed me and made me comfortable in their home until Ben was through with work. The day after my surgery, my best friend Jen let me stay at her house all day while Ben was at work, and took care of me even though she had just had major surgery the week before. Her husband Rich helped, too. And last, I was very grateful to my boss for understanding and giving me the time I needed to heal and get back to being 100%.

And I must say, it feels great to feel healthy again! I'm enjoying every moment without the pain, nausea, and hormonal highs and lows (mostly lows) that plagued me over the past couple of years. I don't think I realized how much it affected me until now, but I'm so grateful for everyone who helped me through it.


With family in town right now - nieces, nephews, sisters and brothers-in-law - I've realized what a miracle my life is. It's wonderful to be able to run and jump and play with all of the kids, and to be a part of a family (in-law) with so much love in it. I feel so blessed.


Anyway, do you have any surgery experiences to share? Good, bad, or funny?