Sunday, April 17, 2011

About Me...?

WARNING: LONG BORING BLOG POST ABOUT ME

Today an oldies song I used to love - "Oogum Boogum" - started playing over the loud speaker at the grocery store. My mind was flooded with images of my 17-year-old self cruising down the highway in my pink sunglasses and blue flowered sundress, singing along to radio with my friends, radiant and laughing.


This thought made me my smile until it made me think, "Maybe I'm not as interesting as I used to be." Now I don't even own sundress, let alone a dress that isn't work-appropriate. My job is practically my life, the only pair of heels I have are plain black ones, I have a cat but no kids, and I'm watching Wheel of Fortune on TV right now.


I've never felt like such a nerd in my entire life.


It makes me want to run out and buy a dress with fluttery frills and a hot pair of high heels. Actually, this sounds like a perfectly practical idea to me right now. Hmmm...


Anyway, I've been thinking alot lately about the kind of person I am, or rather, should be. Anticipating parenthood (no, not in the next 9 months) will do that to a person, I suppose. What kind of mom should I be - Should I be perpetually tidy and put-together like my aunt? Energetic and helpful like my mom? Compassionate and hard-working like my grandma? Hip and humorous like my cousin?


Of course, the envitable conclusion I've come to is that I should be myself, only that gets a little complicated with the recent realization that perhaps I've become a different person than who I used to be. Am I the same person as I was at 17, who wasn't bothered by what other people thought I should be like, or look like or act like? Maybe I should stop paying attention to the "perfect mom" magazines in the waiting room at the doctor's office.


I'm sure this is getting a little too introspective for all of you, but I'll end with this: I'm at an age where most of my friends' identities have become tied to adorable chubby baby pictures and Facebook status updates detailing their children's latest antics and accomplishments. Number one, sometimes this makes me feel like a very uninteresting person in comparison, since the book I read last week or what's happening at work just isn't as fun as talking about or looking at babies (You know, it's not just me...We're all hard-wired to love babies. It's a good thing, since babies eventually hit the terrible two's, and before you know it, they're teenagers. It's also a good thing for preventing human extinction...replenishing the earth...you know, that sort of thing). And number two, it makes me a little unsure of "who I am."


Maybe it's time to figure that out again. At any rate, I'm pretty sure whoever I am is totally awesome (because there's nobody else like me, right?), even though I might be going through kind of an awkward phase right now. :)


- Jenny

6 comments:

  1. Jenny, I think it is perfectly normal to re-evaluate who you are at various times in life. I can think of many times in my life when I needed to do this!!! And yes, I think you are pretty awesome! Pink sunglasses and a pretty new dress might just be the ticket!!

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  2. I go through this phase all the time. Shopping helps, but so does a good night sleep. It is time for the Idaho weather to change and then you can morph with it.

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  3. Well lady, in my eyes you are energetic, enthusiastic and all around loved Jenny. You are special and so fun to be around. But I totally hear you about phases like that. Ahh, you need sunshine in your life so you start feeling happy again. Love ya.

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  4. Jenny you are fun, enthusiastic and I miss hanging out with you. I am the same way, we have been married 4 years and Heavenly Father hasn't blessed us with children either. I have been feeling the same way as I watch my friends who are on their 1st, 2nd, and even 3rd child. I had one of those moments earlier today where I was questioning what is wrong with me and why I haven't been blessed with children yet. I have been asked by people who don't know me when I was due and yet I am not even pregnant. One thing I am trying to do is just enjoy the time I have with my wonderful husband. I encourage you to do the same. Heavenly Father loves you and so do I!!!

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  5. Its funny because Josh frequently comments on how boring OUR lives must be because the ONLY thing we post about is our kids. He said the other day to Maya "Other people go out on friday and have fun, but we sure dont because we are parents" haha. I guess is all perspective right? We think we're boring because all we talk about is our kids. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself and my own identity because everything I do is about my babies, and I dont have time to do anything I used to do like beading Jewelry and such. I think this is just a hard time in general for us no matter if we are trying to have babies, or already have them.

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  6. It's true. Totally super DUPER awesome. And we need to have another girls night. Cause I am having withdrawals.

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